Why is it that the people we love the most are often the ones we struggle with the most?
With people who are more distant, there are no expectations.
Expectation creates disappointment.
Disappointment is the beginning of the struggle.
Haman was happy when his lottery fell on Adar because he knew that in Adar Moshe passed away.
But he did not realize that in Adar was also Moshe’s birthday.
What’s the connection between Haman and Moshe?
Moshe was the most humble person who ever lived, and Haman was all about his ego.
The fact that he was not able to tolerate Mordechai was because Mordechai did not bow down to him. It was not about religion. It was about his ego.
He needed recognition, honor, and validation.
He built a gallow to hang Mordechai, and in the end he himself was hung there.
The gallow was fifty cubits high, representing the fifty levels of impurity.
Haman wanted to be above everyone.
Moshe was able to contain everyone.
When the “I” becomes small, there is room for another.
A giant in Torah, before he started to learn Chassidut, used to think to himself: How could G-d create such a big heaven for me? I am so great.
Once he started to learn Kabbalah and Chassidut, he began to ask himself: How does G-d tolerate my ego?
When we struggle in a relationship, we need to remember:
The more space I demand, the less space the relationship has.
My self-worth doesn’t depend on how you behave.
I am humble enough to give you your space.
I don’t need your validation.
This is the secret of Purim — the secret of healthy relationships.
Exercise of the week:
When I lower the tree — my imaginary tree— of how much space I think the other person is not giving me, and instead ask: What can I do for someone else? What mitzvah can I do for another person?
I live a life of giving, a life of humility, and I create space for whoever Hashem puts is in my inner circle.
-Recap of Kabbalah in 5
Happy Purim!
Rabbi Zalman Gansburg